A couple months ago, I met this lovely girl – a very hardworking and sincere person. She had been calling me for quite some time before but because of my boisterous schedule, we could not meet. One day, we finally fixed up to talk over some really awesome aromatic coffee.
She appeared shy and hesitant when we met at a café.
“Hello, thank you for taking time out for me.” She said.
“Ah, that’s a pleasure. I love meeting new folks.”
“Well. I don’t know where to start. But there are…. plenty of issues, you know, going on with my life. And I don’t know… I mean….I think if I could work on my communication, things would improve. So…. I really need to get out of the funk I am in. Could you please … help me with this?” She said after she settled down. She fumbled a number of times while she spoke.
“I understand. I would be glad if I could make even a small positive difference in your life.” I empathized.
As we started talking, she unfolded many things related to her work and personal life during the next 30 minutes. She thought that most of her problems were the consequences of her inability to relate and communicate with people.
And like most others on this planet, she too wanted a quick fix, a short cut, a magic formula that could ease out every aspect of her mountain of problems.
Her low self esteem and lack of confidence were apparent. As we discussed further, I realized that the first off, she needed to work on her self-esteem and confidence.
I made her do some paperwork and a few self analysis exercises as I usually do in such scenarios. I suggested a few life style changes and a couple of activities to do, that she promised to work on.
That very evening, while I was thinking about this meeting, on a whim, a thought struck me – the thought of my early days, when I was more or less in the same kind of situation as that girl was. I too thought that my poor communication skill was the root of all problems.
I was so desperate to get out of the funk I was in as fast as I could. But alas!!! It’s not that simple. Everything has a process that we need to go through. Quick fixes don’t last long. Short cuts don’t work well. If we want something, we have no other choice but put ourselves into the process to find a new version of us.
Confident Communication is fundamental ingredient for success
Good and confident communication skill is the main ingredient of success; especially when our success is more of a public image than our own personal fulfillment. All of us want to improve when it comes to this most crucial skill. Well, this may be the reason that out of four books I have written by far, “How to be a people person: Build Sound Relationships with Awesome Conversations” is doing the best.
One of the biggest obstructions in obtaining the rich communication skill is our own self confidence. Our low self confidence hampers our ability to connect and communicate well with those around us. Because when we don’t have sufficient amount of self belief, we focus more on how the others would judge us; how they would react to what we say and what opinion they would form about us. Allow me to share my own experience here.
I never fit in as a child. I was shy, introvert and always confused. I didn’t know who I was? What I truly want from life? That state of confusion and unclarity were my destiny for the next many years. Because I didn’t know myself, I looked myself through the social mirror. I believed whatever people told me.
“You are not smart enough”.
“You’re not intelligent enough”
You are not good looking enough”
And I accepted these tags without any retaliation. I believed all that. Hence, my confidence level dropped on the floor. All this handicapped the way I communicated. I was certain and completely convinced that I lack abilities. All this continued until I decided to question people’s opinions and trust my own judgment.
As I grew older over the years, I realized that confidence comes with clarity. “I need to know what I want. What are my true interests? What purpose do I have in life? What would make my life fulfilled?
The more I knew myself, the greater clarity I got about myself. That was a turning point when I stopped listening to the external world and trusted my inner self. I am happy and proud of my decision. And I am ever more happy and proud of those who come and ask me often a common question – “how to improve the communication skills?” Because a change starts with awareness. Awareness is awakening. That is the first step for every development.
In this world of uncertainty, one thing is pretty certain. And that is you cannot go far without having an adequate amount of confidence in yourself. Do you agree? If you think you need to up-level your confidence, then the coming piece of content is going to be exclusively written for you.
I would share with you some more stuff in my next blog posts on the RIGHT PROCESS to achieve that level of CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM that all of us need in ample quantities in this highly competitive world.
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